The Secret About Getting Others To Agree With You

15 Comments Posted in Personal Development

Image courtesy of mandj98

Change yourself or Change Others?

Which is the more difficult task to do?

A: Change yourself

B: Change others

What is your answer?

It is easier to change yourself rather than changing others. If we want to, we are able to change our behavior or habits in a much shorter time compared to changing others. There are a lot more resistance and many trial and errors are needed in order to change others behavior.

If you are able to direct behaviors of others or getting them to agree more with you, do you think it will help you with your personal success?

Yes! You are right! You can.

7 Keys To Make Others More Likely To Agree With You

1. Communicate– The key to communicating well is to communicate with humility. You must have a sense of humility and be open to ideas (the willingness to change). If you do not have the intention to change or you are not open to new ideas, communication will not happen and thus no medium is available to get your ideas across or getting others to agree with you.

2. Listen well – Always listen to what others are saying. You may not agree with what they are saying but do not interrupt. Remember point number 1, be open to ideas and listen. Allow others to speak what they want and listen intently.

3. Be flexible – Like akido (a martial art which the goal is not to overcome force but redirect), do not meet force with force, but redirect the force and guide it into a new direction. Simply it means to find points of agreement instead of disagreement.

4. Get the other person to say yes – When ever you get others to say yes and agree with you, rapport will be created and it will also make them more likely to listen to what you have to say. Having a rapport is the key to have them to listen to you and do what you recommend. Whenever someone say no to you, it further the distance of achieving an agreement and vice versa, whenever you get someone to say yes and agree with you, it close the distance of achieving an agreement.

5. Do not use the “3 letter word” – Do not use the word BUT because it create disagreement. When you say, “Yeah, it is true but…” What does it mean? The other party will listen to the sentence as, “it is not true.” Even though you mentioned that it is true but the word “but” had negated the words before it.

6. Use the word “and” – Instead of saying “but”, using “and” in your sentences will help you to make agreements instead of disagreements. Some examples, “That is true and here is another idea that is true also.” Or, “This is a great idea and here is another idea that is also interesting.” The “and” added into the sentences will help to create agreements and avoid disagreements. If you used but in the sentence, the other person will defend their point of view and thus losing rapport.

7. Avoid words that may be possibly disputed – When you use words like “certainly”, “no doubt” or “definitely”, you may be lowering the possibility of having a conversation and by using these words, ideas are tend to be disputed and rapport is not created.

Using words such as I imagine it to be so and so, It appears to me so and so or I apprehend it to be so and so will be a better choice of words to maintain rapport and still able to leave ground for opinions. Using this words will give you a higher chance of persuading others to do what you want them to.

“The best soldier does not attack. The superior fighter succeeds without violence. The greatest conqueror win without a struggle. The most successful manager leads without dictating. This is called intelligent non aggressiveness. This is called mastery of men.”

Lao Tsu

There is no such thing as resistance from others, only inflexible communicators. So are you a flexible communicator?

Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

**P.S** Dear readers, share your thoughts in the comment section. Did you ever use tact and flexibility to get yourself out of arguments or getting others to agree with you? Do you think it is possible to overcome disagreements by finding a points of agreement and try to work things out from there? See you in the comment section 🙂

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15 Responses to “The Secret About Getting Others To Agree With You”

  1. Vincent says:

    Hey c(a)sh,

    Thanks, I will be brainstorming for ideas in this topic.

    Cheers
    Vincent
    Personal Development Blogger

  2. c(a)sh says:

    Great ideas written for this post. Thanks!! look forward to a sequel to this topic =)

  3. Vincent says:

    @Hi Money Money Money,

    Getting others to agree with us definitely feel good and it is one of the most important aspect in helping us to succeed in life.

    @Hi Nassorn,

    You got the answer correct Nassorn, it is always easier to change ourselves than changing others. Thanks for the compliment.

    Cheers
    Vincent
    Personal Development Blogger

  4. Nassorn says:

    I’m immediately give answer (A) to the multiple choices you gave at the beginning of this post.

    Self-change may hard in some area of own habit but high possibility to achieve if with inspiration or simple necessary.

    Thanks for 7 keys of communication. Great post.

  5. Thanks alot for writing on the most important topics. Having others agree with you not only makes you feel good but gives you lots of motivation as well.

  6. Vincent says:

    @Hi Ruth,

    I will check that out soon and thanks for sharing.

    @Hi Ross,

    Thanks for the compliment and you too, have a great week. 🙂

    Cheers
    Vincent
    Personal Development Blogger

  7. Ross says:

    Hi – I love hearing other people’s perspective on communicating and generally improving how we ‘get along’. Interesting post, you present some great ideas! Have a great week.

  8. Ruth says:

    Hi Vincent,

    I agree with you that it’s great if you can get others to agree with what you say. I also think that there’s something to be said for dissent and learning how to disagree. It forces us to question our beliefs and whether or not their really ours. If you get a chance to check out Living Life as if Thinking Matters by R. L. Wysong, he explains it better than I ever could.

  9. Vincent says:

    Hi KC,

    Thanks KC, that is a great compliment.

    By saying “we” or “us” will help us to be in the same side with others and thus will help to get others to be more willing to accept what we offer. Great point mentioned.

    Cheers
    Vincent
    Personal Development Blogger

  10. KC TAN says:

    Hi Vincent,

    This is one of the most well-written post that I have read since a while.

    Another useful method is to stand on the same side with the other person and substitute your words, ‘you’ and ‘I’ with ‘we’ or ‘us’.

    I recall a quote from Stephen Covey something like, ‘It is not my method or your method, it is a better method.’

    Thanks for writing this great post!

  11. Vincent says:

    @Hi Chris,

    I agree that life would be boring if everyone agree with us, that is why life gave us disagreement and make us think on how to turn a disagreement into an agreement. 🙂

    @Hi Live for Improvement,

    It is an art. An art that is priceless when we master it.

    @Hi Daphne,

    Substituting “but” with “and” is a great way of building rapport and gradually bring others to listen to what you have to say without them being defensive. Thanks for the compliment Daphne.

    Cheers
    Vincent
    Personal Development Blogger

  12. Daphne says:

    Hey Vincent,

    Good tips here, especially about communicating with humility. So often when we attempt to communicate we are simply trying to get the other person to agree with us, instead of trying to see if we can agree with the other person.

    Giving up “but” and using “and” instead definitely works in my personal experience. That is one important change that almost everybody can make in their lives to see excellent results.

    Your site looks amazing – you must have done a lot of work on it recently. Keep up the great work.

  13. I really enjoy this skill builder, thank you.

    Learning to communicate, and having others agree with you is a valuable art.

    -Dan Malone-

  14. Hi Vincent,

    I like this post, you explore the concept well.

    Yes I do think that you can overcome disagreement by agreeing and working from there, but it requires both parties to take this approach. Stay, calm be reasonable and most things can be worked out quickly and easily.

    If everyone agreed on everything life would be boring wouldn’t it!

    Cheers,

    Chris